Ouroboros
by Owl Moth
Summary: My mind wandered past the cars soaring through the streets and the glow of lights from monitors perched atop towers of metal and glass. I shut my eyes, and everything faded away. I was standing in a field of fire, the stench of gasoline thick in the air. The next moment I felt Ruri's mind as my own, and I was thrown into darkness, ice dripping through my veins...
1. Chapter 1

_**The curtain, a funeral pall,**_

 _ **Comes down with the rush of a storm,**_

 _ **While the angels, all pallid and wan,**_

 _ **Uprising, unveiling, affirm**_

 _ **That the play is the tragedy, "Man",**_

 _ **And its hero, the Conqueror Worm.**_

 _ **-The Conqueror Worm** **by Edgar Allan Poe**_

* * *

Ruri Miyazaki flat lined on a Wednesday night at 12:47 pm.

Four and a half minutes later, her pulse restarted.

One week later, I woke up.

Confusion settled in quickly as my sight adjusted and I took in my surroundings. Hospital? Why was I in a hospital? Just as I thought that, my mind registered the stiff pain pulsing throughout my body. It wasn't horrible. I suspected that was because of the medication they were pumping through the IV.

I looked around the room. Sun shone through the cracks of the curtain. In the distance, I heard the sound of birds chirping. Beside me, a bouquet of flowers and a few cards were stacked neatly on a shelf. I reached over, wincing slightly as my ribs and arm twitched. I felt around the flowers for a card, if there was one at all. A corner of what I was fairly sure was paper brushed against my fingers, but as I grabbed for it, it moved out of my reach. Sighing, I make a mental note to check it out again later, and reach for the larger cards.

I frowned. The letter was in Japanese. I adjusted my position to get a better look when strands of blonde hair fell into my vision. I dropped the card.

Blonde? What? I fingered a strand of the hair, examining it closely. Scared, I push the covers off of me, struggling to stand without falling as I headed toward the window. I pushed the curtains away and stared at the faint reflection.

This was not my face.

I grabbed at my cheek, prodded at the dark rings under my eyes, traced the slope of my nose. This was not me. I had noticeably more Asiatic features, although the blonde was obviously European, and the wide-spaced, Slavic shape of my eyes – which, to my utter shock – were a startling lilac shade . By now, the shaking in my legs was bad enough that I began to worry that if I didn't sit soon, I would fall, and who knew when a nurse would arrive? Speaking of that, I thought as I shakily made my way toward my bed, when would a nurse come check on me anyway?

I checked the time on the bedside clock. It was around 1:00 in the afternoon. Was there a button I could press to call for a nurse? I was awake, and I wanted to know the date. Now that I thought about it, what _was_ the date?

I continued to ponder my predicament, absentmindedly tracing the features of this body with the arm that wasn't wrapped in bandages.

As I was beginning to wrap my mind around my situation, the door opened, and an unsuspecting nurse, who was pushing a tray of medicine, various tools, and bandages, and humming to herself as she did so, looked up in shock as she took me in.

We stared at each other in silence until she realized what she was doing, then rushed over to my side. She began speaking in rapid Japanese, saying what seemed like questions, judging by the upward kilt at the end of her sentences.

She continued on, and I slowly realized with a shock that I understood what she was saying.

"…you feel? How are…wounds? You have pain?"

I shook my head frantically, trying to get her to slow down, or stop completely.

She quickly realized I wasn't going to respond, so paused, staring at me expectantly with doe-like brown eyes. She had to be young. Maybe even fairly inexperienced. I tried to form words. "I…pain. Here," I said, searching my mind, this body's memories, for the words. I pointed toward my ribs. "Here, here, here….and here," I finished, pointing at my bandaged arm, head, shoulder, and foot.

"Ah," she said. "Let me check your wounds." I nodded, moving the covers off me once again. She carefully unwrapped the bandage around my arm, taking a fresh roll of bandages from the cart. The skin underneath was torn and messy, scabbing in most places, leaking slowly from others. I looked at the nurse and asked in unsure Japanese, "What happened?"

Something flickered in her eyes, but disappeared before I could understand it. "You were attacked. By a ghoul."

"Huh?"

A period of silence stretched out between us and I processed what she just said. "Are you sure? " I asked stupidly.

She made a weird face, nodded, and continued cleaning and redressing my wounds. There was what looked eerily like a bite mark, not terribly deep, around my ankle. Another, deeper, bite on my shoulder. A chunk of flesh had been lost and staring too long at it made me slightly uncomfortable. As she worked, she made comments about her disgust for ghouls, which actually shocked me a bit. She had the face of a kindly young woman but those comments were fairly brutal. Understandable, I guess. But ghouls? The whole situation was surreal.

Different body, ghoul attacks, what next? I read the _Tokyo Ghoul_ manga. Both of them, although _Re_ hadn't quite finished yet. I enjoyed them immensely. I would read each chapter as they came out, spend my time thinking about theories, historical parallels, moral questions brought up by certain characters, etcetera. But that's all. What I couldn't wrap around my mind was how what happened to me in my own…world? Is that what I should call it? I blushed. It sounded kind of pretentious. But…I had no other term for it. For now, that word will have to suffice.

"How does your head feel?" The nurse asked. By then, I had finally gotten a better grasp at the language. Although, I didn't think I could keep up normal, fast paced conversation.

"It hurts a bit. Not horrible."

A nod.

"I will call in the doctor to finish checking up with you. "

"When can I leave?" I asked. She paused to think. "Based on your injuries, I would say a few more days to another week. It's up to Dr. Yamagoto to make the final decision. Is there anything else you need me to check out?"

I shook my head. I wanted to know where my parents were. I wanted to know what happened to my _actual_ body. Was the owner of this body in mine? Did we switch places? Did I…erase her?

A chill ran down my spine and I repressed a shiver.

The nurse spoke up. "Once Dr. Yamagoto is done checking up on you, a couple of investigator from the CCG will stop by to talk to you about the attack." She put a gentle hand on my knee. I resisted the urge to shift away. "Any detail, however irrelevant it may be, is useful in the hunt to capture that monster." Her hand tightened on my knee and I stiffened.

I gave her a short nod.

She left the room humming a cheerful, soft tune.

I felt sick.

My mind wandered. The hospital room around me disappeared. The air around me became thick with ash and the stench of burning hair. Metal creaked and oven-heat suffocated me with each shalloow breath.

A pulse of red-hot pain blared through my head and I clutched at it.

I was back at the hospital.

The doctor arrived only a few moments later. He was a quiet man, and I judged him to be in his mid to late forties. He seemed very stiff, occasionally glancing at the door.

"They're already out there, aren't they?"

He paused. A stiff nod. I wasn't sure why he was so nervous. Maybe he was a ghoul? Maybe he was skeptical of the CGG? I studied him closely, trying to see if anything in his appearance would give me any insight.

Dr. Yamagoto finished writing my responses to his questions, and said, "The investigators will be coming to interview you promptly. Lunch and medication will come at 3:00. If you feel you need anything before then, ring this button," he pointed toward a remote attached to the bed, "And a nurse will arrive with medication and food."

I paused to think. "Can I have a newspaper or something?"

He nodded and left, returning shortly with two investigators and a newspaper which he placed on the shelf beside me.

I glanced at the investigators, then at the newspaper. I flipped the papers open on my lap.

The male investigator stepped forward. "My name is Koutaro Amon. I'm a senior investigator at the CGG. This is my subordinate, Akira Mado."

I drummed three fingers on the papers resting on my knees. The words were piecing together in my mind. I glanced at an open card on the shelf.

"My name is Ruri Miyazaki. Hi."


	2. Chapter 2

**Schatten90: Thanks so much! I really appreciate the review. I hope you enjoy the story as it progresses.**

* * *

 _ **"My nerves are bad to-night. Yes, bad. Stay with me.**_

 _ **'Speak to me. Why do you never speak? Speak.**_

 _ **'What are you thinking of? What thinking? What?**_

 _ **'I never know what you are thinking. Think."**_

 ** _-The Waste Land by T.S. Eliot_**

* * *

My hand was now curled into a fist, lightly tapping against my thigh as I studied the people who were fictional characters until just an hour or so ago. I was tired, I realized, as the doctor quietly shut the door behind him, leaving me alone with the investigators. To have the CCG called in so quickly…I wonder what Ruri did to get herself in such a situation.

There was a short period of silence as Amon skimmed through a file. I glanced at Akira. She was eyeing my hand, which was still tapping against my leg.

I loosened my hand and stopped tapping.

"Do you know what we're here to discuss?" Amon asked.

I paused. That was a rhetorical question. Not meant to be answered directly.

I waited for him to continue. He briefly glanced at the papers again. "Last week, a couple found you passed out and bleeding in a dark alleyway in the middle of the night."

He stared at me, searching for a reaction. I stayed impassive, waiting for him to continue. I had no recollection of the incident. If I could get my hands on that report, maybe it could help me remember…

"Where are my parents?" I said quietly, not quite used to the way the words flowed on my tongue. Ruri had a light, feminine voice. It fit her appearance quite well.

I tugged on a strand of blonde hair. It wasn't the same pale yellow blonde as Akira's. Mine was pale, a couple shades away from white. Here and there, strands were darker shades of blonde. I guess it depended on the lighting.

"They're waiting outside," he said simply.

"Why are you here before them?"

He looked slightly taken aback by the blunt question. "It is imperative that we get information regarding the attack as soon as possible."

I didn't know how to respond. I wasn't Ruri. I wasn't the one attacked. For all I knew Ruri was dead.

"My head hurts."

"What were you doing Wednesday night?" Amon asked, ignoring my statement.

I stayed silent.

"My head really hurts," I repeated quieter, adding a quiver to my voice.

"The quicker we get this done, the sooner you get your medication."

"I really think that's detrimental to my health," I said. "I can't think clearly." I paused. "Those files are about my case, right? Could I please see them?"

Something flickered in both of their faces.

He and Akira shared a glance then passed the file to me.

I skimmed through the files, trying to find something that would help this body, _me,_ remember anything about the attack.

…If it _was_ an attack.

I was screwed if I didn't remember anything soon. Would it benefit me to be honest about not remembering? After all, I _was_ just in a coma. And according to the file…I had flat-lined. I died. I could've sustained brain damage. The headache is proof enough.

Pressing a hand to my head, I frowned. Once again, I said, "My head _really_ hurts. I'm gonna call a nurse." I slouched my shoulders, forced tears to gather at my eyes.

I reached to the side, hand still clutching at my head, and pressed the button on the remote the doctor had shown me.

"We have a few more questions, and then we'll leave you for now," Amon said.

Key words: for now. I shook my head. "Everything is really blurry. I can't remember what happened very well. All I know is that I was walking home after staying with some friends for the day." I hoped he wouldn't ask who those friends were. "I...I remember feeling like someone was following me, but I wasn't sure until I was pulled into the alleyway. Everything after that is blurry," I said, adding a quiver to my voice toward the end.

Amon nodded and stood up. As he retrieved the file from me, he said, "Thank you for your time Miyazaki-san. I wish you a quick recovery." With that, he and Akira, who stayed curiously silent the entire time, turned and exited the room.

The door shut with a click.

I let my hand fall from my head. I drummed three fingers on my leg before balling it into a fist and resuming my tapping.

* * *

I met Ruri's parents a short while after the nurse came to me with medication and food. Ruri's father was tall with dark hair and Japanese features. Her mother, on the other hand, had noticeably European features. They were both kind, although her father- _my_ father now -had a stern aura about him. He stood closer to the wall. The woman was immediately by my side. She spoke quietly and gently, and touched me as if I were made of glass that would break at the slightest pressure.

As she voiced her relief, I glanced at the man. He had his hands in his pocket, lost in thought.

He had sad eyes.

Something clenched in my chest, and I looked away. I was tapping my leg again. Faster.

Mother, Ruri's mother, paused as she watched. I had my head turned away from her. I was uncomfortable.

Something along the lines of shock and hurt was written on her face. I think she thought she was the reason I was uncomfortable. I needed to learn quickly what Ruri was like. I figured I must be acting fairly uncharacteristically.

It also struck me how blatant the emotions Ruri's mother was feeling were portrayed on her face. She was the type to wear her heart on her sleeve. It would make sense for a person like that to be attracted to an opposite, I thought to myself as I glanced at Ruri's- my -father. We- mostly mother- talked about how grateful she was that I was alive, and gave me details about what I had missed out on during my week-long coma. My father occasionally chimed in to answer one of Mother's questions, but aside from that, stood still against the wall with that sad look in his dark eyes.

Since I was to stay at the hospital for an extra three days, and my parents had work, I was left with my thoughts for a long time. I decided there were a few things that had to be done.

The next couple of days were spent reading the news on Ruri's phone that Mother had given me. When I wasn't reading up on the news, I was looking through Ruri's text messages, call records, search history, social media posts, followers, and who she was following. I looked through her emails, photos, and games. I stayed up at night studying her facial expressions in her photos, and the clothes she wore. Upon request, Mother had gotten me a small mirror that I used to practice Ruri's facial expressions.

I spent hours and hours learning how to smile like Ruri, laugh like Ruri, frown like Ruri….

And when the third day arrived, her phone had been completely wiped clean of every app. Every photo, game, contact (except Mother and Father), social media post, internet history had been erased.

I erased Ruri Miyazaki.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the follow and favorite, Hero King Gilgamesh.**

 **Thanks again for the review, Schatten90. I appreciate the comments on her character. I hope you continue to enjoy.  
**

" _ **The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents."**_

 _ **-Call of Cthulhu by H.P. Lovecraft**_

Ruri lived in a modest house in Shinjuku. The fourth ward. If I remembered correctly, it was one of the safest wards due to its proximity to the first ward. It was also the same ward that HySy Studio was located. I'd contemplated checking out the store, but I hadn't had the will to actually act on it yet. Besides, would going there somehow place me in the plot? Did I want to be in the plot? These thoughts struck me as absurd the first few times I sat down to think about it. Ruri had already been attacked by a ghoul. Did that mean I already had a link to the plot?

As I thought about what I knew of the series, I began to weigh the pros and cons of potential choices. If I interacted with the Anteiku group, somehow became friendly or connected in any way with them, it would put me at a disadvantage. Logically speaking, staying on the CCG's side as an ally, civilian or not, would be beneficial for me in the long run. It was just safer that way. If I got involved with ghouls, even more than now, I run the risk of getting involved with Aogiri. And what about the ghoul that attacked Ruri? The identity of that ghoul was another variable that could drastically alter the choices I make in the future.

Despite all of that...I was very curious about Anteiku. Amon and Akira were already working together. That meant Akira's father had already died, the Gourmet arc had already occurred, and….Kaneki had already been tortured. I assumed that by now he would be in the sixth ward. In the fanfictions that I've read in my free time, Most "OCs" were placed toward the beginning of the series. Those characters would then attempt to change the plot, or soften the psychological blow that Kaneki would surely receive as the plot progressed. Thing is, I was not an OC, I was already past that point in time, and I had no reason to search out Kaneki, either, without seeming suspicious. And that was fine. I didn't need to do that. I had other ideas.

Those ideas concerned the second part of the manga, _Tokyo Ghoul:re._ Furuta Nimura would eventually rise up and take control of the CCG. And that would be the beginning of a, well, holocaust. The CCG's main opposition would be Goat, which is run by the One-Eyed King. Kaneki. It was once mentioned that the greatest weapon the ghouls had against the human opposition was information.

I was human.

I had information.

Valuable information.

The CCG wouldn't suspect me as I am now. Ruri is fifteen, around the same age as Touka. The chances of a human girl who had been _attacked_ by a ghoul, actually _assisting_ those same people, would be quite farfetched.

At this point in time, there wasn't much for me to do. Not for a while, at least. I could, probably, attempt to warn the Anteiku crew about the raid. The problem is credibility and gaining their trust.

On the other hand, if that proved unbeneficial, I could spend my time gathering information and possibly materials like funds, tactical bases, and men, for when Goat is finally established.

All of that would take years.

I needed a starting point. Anteiku would probably be a good place. If there was any information there, then it could give me a clue as to what my next steps should be.

It occurred to me suddenly that there was the possibility of plot variability. There's a scientific theory that states that a small change in events could cause a major event in the long run.

The butterfly and the hurricane.

Was I the butterfly?

What would the hurricane be?

I shook my head. There was no point in pondering too long over these thoughts. Variability in this world was beyond my power. All I could do was gather information, pull some strings, and hope for the best.

I stood up off the bed and looked around Ruri's room. It was square shaped, with some elements of traditional decoration, although most of it was very personalized. Lights strung on wires circled the perimeter of the room, and draped down to frame the windows and door. There were posters of celebrities here and there, but most of the pictures on the walls were Ruri's old friends who I recognized from her phones. I could even name some of them, I thought with a wry smile. I hadn't had that many friends. I've had a few throughout my life, but we had always grown out of touch. I didn't mind. I quite liked the solitude. Pushing back thoughts of my old life, I made my way down the stairs. The house was very typical, also with elements of traditional Japanese décor. Mom and Dad were at work. I was off from school for the next week.

 _School_. That was something I was a little peeved about. I didn't know how Japanese schools worked. I didn't know if I would be able to keep up. But if Ruri's mind was able to fill in the blanks with language, maybe it would help me in school.

I pulled on a pair of boots, braided my hair, and made my way to the subway station. The train would take thirty to forty minutes to arrive in Nerima, the twentieth ward. The train was somewhat crowded. The only people talking were a trio of schoolgirls giggling and whispering to each other as they glanced at their phones. Tattered fliers, some of which were CCG propaganda, were plastered on the walls. A map stretched across the wall behind me.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a man eyeing me. He was hunched over slightly, somewhat dirty looking, and unshaven. I guessed he was somewhere in his late twenties to early thirties.

I glanced away from him, fingers tapping on my thigh.

Eight minutes left.

The train finally squealed to a stop, and I made my way out carefully, making sure the man had left before me. A quick scan of the station told me he was gone. Good. Not gonna be ghoul fodder. Not again.

A quick look at Google maps led me five minutes down a peaceful road. The street was at a slight slope, and the houses looked like they were sideways. The town I was from was very, very small. Houses were placed very apart from each other toward the outskirts of the town. The farther you got, the closer the houses became. The streets, unlike here in Japan, were all completely flat. I brushed away the thoughts as I turned the corner.

I stood outside of Anteiku.

I wondered briefly if it would be worth taking a photo of.

Probably not. I should probably do what I can to draw as little attention as possible.

A bell jingled as I opened the door.

It was very…warm on the inside. The light chatter, clinking of dishes, and soft drone of the television served to create a very calm atmosphere.

Behind the bar, a man with light brown hair stood with his back to me as he dried glasses. Off to the side of the café, a woman with shoulder length black hair was taking orders from a couple.

I was tempted to take the empty seat in the corner, but decided against it. If I wanted to gather information, it would probably be best to sit a little closer.

So I sat at the bar.

Enji Koma turned around.

"Welcome to Anteiku. What can I get for you today?"

"Coffee."

"How do you take it?"

I paused to think. Anteiku's black coffee was supposed to be one of the best.

"Black," I responded.

He flashed a smile and said, "Alright. One moment please."

He turned back and began making the coffee.

I glanced at the television. A female reporter was talking about the recent increase of ghoul violence in the wards. Nothing I didn't know already.

I turned just as Enji set my coffee down. The coffee was actually pretty good. It didn't have that burnt taste I expected, but rather a slightly bitter, aromatic flavor. I told him just that.

Time had passed since I had finished the coffee. I eventually moved to one of the corner seats to allow others to sit at the bar. I was drawing figures absentmindedly on the table with a spoon when the bell jingled. I looked up.

Touka, whose hair was pulled into two thin ponytails, entered Anteiku. She headed toward the back (or was it upstairs?) to change into her Anteiku uniform, then started serving customers. She had a smile on her face as she went around taking orders, but I noticed a slight dullness to her eyes. She was sad. That was expected. She missed Kaneki.

I looked away as she started in my direction.

"Would you like me to get you anything?" She asked politely. I shook my head. "No thanks. I already had some coffee." She nodded. "Please call if you change your mind." I muttered a thanks as she turned and went to take more orders.

My first conversation with Touka. As lackluster as it may be, it was a start.

A start to what? I wondered as soon as I finished that thought. Was I going to come here and get friendly? Seemed a bit far fetched, not to mention dangerous. It was one thing to imagine it in your own head, or read it in a story. It was another thing to actually live through it, and have to weigh your choices carefully. These were ghouls. They eat people. They could eat me.

It was an odd thought. I knew what a fictional character sounded like. Well, not fictional anymore. An absurd thought struck me; what if I was a fictional character?

…I was too tired to think about that. It was probably best to ignore that.

* * *

I picked up my stuff and left Anteiku, nodding as Enji called a goodbye and told me to come back again. The sun was starting to set and students passed me by as they walked home. More cars sped by on the street, also presumably on their way home from work. As I descended the steps to the subway station, I began thinking about my plans for the future. Maybe I should start exercising. Running would strengthen my cardio and give me muscle. It would also burn away unnecessary fat. Not that I had much. This body was actually quite thin. But it was more in a petite, twig-like way. Super easy for ghouls to break.

I grimaced as I thought of that. This body-my body- was still weak from the attack. If I wanted to change, I was going to need to do it soon.

Tomorrow, at the break of dawn, while mom and dad were still asleep, I woke up, quietly left the house, and went for a run around Shinjuku.

I probably should've remembered that ghouls were out at this time, hunting for humans.

I really should've.


End file.
